Waiting for the storm to end...

I have a couple dates....

2011-11-16T12:29:00.003-05:00

with my plastic surgeon that is! lol

Tomorrow I go for my second areola tattooing session. Hopefully that will be all that needs done with those for a while. Cross your fingers!

December 20th, I am having the scar on my back (where they took skin and muscle for my reconstruction) revised. When I had complications and the incision broke open my plastic surgeon had to do stitches on the outside. That makes the scar not look as pretty, so she is going to work on that. Surgery should be a breeze. Can't even believe I am going to say this, but after that I think my reconstruction will be DONE!!!! What a long road it has been!

Oh and I'm not sure if I've ever mentioned it on here, but my sister, Erika and I always seem to have doctor's appointments and surgeries on the same day. Well Dec. 20th is no different. She has an appointment with an OB/GYN for a 10 week pregnancy appointment!!!!!!! That's right, my baby sister is having a baby!!!!!! I am so happy for her!

Giveaway winner!

2011-10-11T19:39:00.002-04:00

And the winner is.........

1

Random numbers generated Oct 11 2011 at 19:40:38 by www.psychicscience.org
Free educational resources for parapsychology, psychical research & mind magic.

Kathy!!

Thanks so much for entering!

I wonder....

2011-10-05T14:56:00.005-04:00

would an apple a day keep my doctors away?! lol

I had my 3 month checkup with my oncologist this morning. He went over my scans results with me. My brain MRI showed sinusitis and my CT scan showed I have cyst on my left ovary. I'll have to follow up on that one with my gyne, but I do know that studies have shown that Tamoxifen can cause ovarian cysts.

A study I found in the Oxford Journals (http://jjco.oxfordjournals.org/content/35/10/607.full)states...

Patients still having a menstrual cycle during tamoxifen had high risk (58.33%) of developing ovarian cysts. We have described an association between pre-menopausal patients using tamoxifen with high E2 level and ovarian cyst enlargement.

So I guess I fall into that lucky group! Par for the course. lol

Other than that, everything looks good. He isn't really worried about whatever it was that disappear from my left eye. PHEW!! I go back for blood work and a check up in 3 months.

It is that time of year again…

2011-10-04T00:01:00.000-04:00

(in my best announcer voice)…

BREAST CANCER AWARENESS MONTH!!!!

Everywhere you turn, you see that pink ribbon. It pops up on everything from cartons of eggs to toilet paper, but do you think people are really aware? I don’t.

Before being diagnosed, I was a happy, 28 year old, mother of two and nursing student. The last thing I thought about was breast cancer. Yeah, I saw the pink ribbons and knew what they stood for, but it didn’t mean anything to me.

When my husband found a lump in my breast, I knew that I should get it checked, but I decided I didn't have the time. Three months later, just after graduation, I finally made an appointment, because the lump was getting bigger. Although my doctor felt it was probably nothing, he sent me for testing. Those tests revealed that I had a 6 cm tumor in my left breast that was Infiltrating Ductal Carcinoma. I had breast cancer at the age of 29!!

Now at age 32, I have made it through chemo, having both of my breasts removed, radiation, and breast reconstruction. Yeah, my breasts are fake, I have scars front and back, but I AM ALIVE!!!

Knowing that I am one of the lucky ones, who are still surviving, I try to do my part to open the eyes of as many people as I can. Everyone needs to know that (according to the Young Survival Coalition) there are more than 250,000 women living in the U.S. who were diagnosed with breast cancer at the age of 40 or under, and approximately 10,000 young women will be diagnosed in the next year. Breast cancer is also the leading cause of cancer death in women ages 15 to 54.

Not only do we need to spread awareness that this disease is affecting so many young women, but we also need to raise money. Let’s face it, without money for research, how can we find a cure? My Relay for Life team, Beth’s Believers, raises money all year long for the American Cancer Society, but research is expensive and everyone needs to do their part.

Save the ta-tas (www.savethetatas.com) commits 5% of every sale to the Save the ta-tas Foundation and many of their authorized retailers participate in their donation matching program. From 2004-2010, they have donated roughly 50% of their profits. These funds are then used to support independent scientific research. How awesome is that?!

One of the gifts I received when I was first diagnosed was a Save the Tatas car magnet. I loved it so much, that when that one became sun bleached, I ordered another one for myself and one for my husband. Everyone who saw it liked it. Eventually one person liked it so much; they decided to steal it from my car!!!

Seriously, you don’t have to steal; you can buy one for yourself!!!!!!

My new favorite item that they have available is a shirt that says “Imagine a World without Cancer.

Save the tatas has been nice enough to provide this shirt for one of my lucky readers.

TO ENTER THIS GIVEAWAY…

1. Become a follower of my blog (on the right side of the page).
2. Leave a comment on this blog entry that includes your shirt size and an email address where you can be contacted. (ONLY ONE COMMENT PER PERSON)

The winner will be chosen one week from today.

GOOD LUCK!!

ALL CLEAR!!!

2011-09-29T09:10:00.003-04:00

Monday I had my surgery and everything went well. Yesterday my gynecologist called to tell me he had gotten back the OR pathology report already and everything looked good! Phew, what a relief! I go back for a follow-up appointment in 4 weeks.

Tomorrow I leave for the LBBC conference in Philly. This will be my third year attending and I cannot wait to see my girls! I'll post pictures when I get back.

Have a good weekend!

Paranoia

2011-09-24T23:09:00.004-04:00

This poem sums up exactly how life after cancer has been for me......

Paranoia
© Copyright by Linda Nielsen

I know I have aches and pains, I've had them both for years.
But now each brings a panic, and a fresh new set of fears.

If I even feel a tiny bump no matter of its size,
I feel my cancer has come back, to claim another prize.

Fear is with me all the time, it haunts me night and day.
To think this batch of cells gone wrong, just yet might get their way.

The doctors nod when I dash in, and send me on my way.
Assuring me that once again, I'm really here to stay.

For in a car I could crash, or get stung by a killer bee.
Maybe take a header down some stairs, this all could happen to me.

I have to learn that dangers lurk, and recurrence is but one.
But not worrying over trivial things, is easier said than done.

Having lived through such a scare, it's hard NOT to be afraid.
For if they'd only say I'm cured, I'd really have it made.

I know in time this will subside, my worries should be less.
Life for me will once again, be filled with happiness

Linda Nielsen

Stupid Cervix!

2011-09-20T17:14:00.005-04:00

So, remember how I had that cervical cone biopsy back in 2009 for carcinoma in situ? Well ever since, the scar tissue that resulted from that procedure has caused problems. Every time I go for a pap smear, my doctor is unable to get an adequate sample of endocervical cells. More often than not, they are not present on the pathology report, so I am having surgery done on Monday to make sure we've not been missing anything. My doctor is doing a hysteroscopy and D&C, which will be a breeze. I'm just happy it is finally getting done. I don't want to take a chance, considering I haven't had the hysterectomy they've been telling me to have done for the last 2 years. Cross your fingers that the pathology comes back good!

WICKED!!!!!

2011-09-19T08:29:00.002-04:00

I got to cross another item off of my bucket list last night! Jeff and I went to see the musical, Wicked. It was absolutely AMAZING!!!!

As soon as they started to sing "For Good" I immediately thought of Lisa Collins and tears started streaming down my cheeks. I miss her so much.

Big day for my family!

2011-09-08T15:50:00.003-04:00

Today was my appointment to get my aerolas tattooed on. The aesthetician said the appointment would probably take about 2 1/2 hours, but it ended up taking 3 hours. The first part was signing consent, picking out size, and color. That may not sound hard, but it really is! I was happy to have my friend, Jenn with me, so she could put her two cents in. So once we got the size and color picked, she determined that I would need a local anesthetic (lidocaine) to numb the area on only one side. Turns out I have more feeling than I thought! My plastic surgeon came in to give the injection and then the aesthetician started the tattooing. It wasn't too bad, even on the side that wasn't given the injection. The color and size seems good, so I'm happy. I go back in 8 weeks and we can determine if they need done again. At that time I am also getting a complimentary hour long facial, which I think is wonderful!

While I was getting my tattoos, my sister Erika was in Virginia getting her prosthetic ear. Here is a video that shows Bob Barron's work. It is amazing! http://www.prosthesis.com/video.htm

You can't even tell that her ear isn't real! I'm so happy for her!

Slowly, but surely, Erika and I are getting though this crap!!!

CANCER SUCKS!!!

2011-09-05T11:49:00.005-04:00

I'm kicking off my 2012 Relay for Life fundraising to get everyone ready for October, which is Breast Cancer Awareness month.

CANCER SUCKS HOODED SWEATSHIRTS

$45 Shipped in the US
$40 If picked up
They are available in the following colors and sizes....

SMALL- Black, Deep Coral, Hot Pink, Light Pink, Sport Grey
MEDIUM- Black, Hot Pink, Light Pink, Sport Grey
LARGE- Black, Hot Pink, Light Pink, Sport Grey
XL- Black, Hot Pink, Light Pink, Sport Grey
XXL- Black, Hot Pink, Light Pink, Sport Grey
XXXL- Black, Sport Grey

CANCER SUCKS T-SHIRTS (Back by popular demand!)

$25 Shipped in the US
$20 If Picked up
They are available in the following colors and sizes....

SMALL- Tangerine, Sport Grey, Hot Pink, Navy Blue, Lime Green, and Black
MEDIUM- Tangerine, Sport Grey, Hot Pink, Light Pink, Navy Blue, Lime Green, and Black
LARGE- Tangerine, Sport Grey, Hot Pink, Navy Blue, Lime Green, and Black
XL- Tangerine, Sport Grey, Hot Pink, Light Pink, Navy Blue, Lime Green, and Black
XXL- Periwinkle, Tangerine, Sport Grey, Hot Pink, Light Pink, Navy Blue, Lime Green, and Black
XXXL- Sport Grey, Navy Blue, Lime Green, and Black

CANCER SUCKS WINDOW CLINGS

$6 Shipped in the US
$5 If Picked up
Available in Blue or Pink

If you are interested in purchasing anything, please message me (Beth Brown Gibbons) the following information...

ITEM(S), COLOR, AND SIZE DESIRED
YOUR ADDRESS IF BEING SHIPPED

Payment can be made to BGibbo7@aol.com using PAYPAL. You do not need an account to use this site. Simply go to www.paypal.com, click on SEND MONEY and follow the instructions.

Make sure you invite your friends to check out this fundraiser on Facebook (Link below). THANK YOU!!!

CANCER SUCKS FUNDRAISER FACEBOOK EVENT

"I'm Gonna Love You Through It" - Martina McBride

2011-09-03T22:20:00.000-04:00

PHEW!!!

2011-08-30T16:08:00.001-04:00

My ophthalmologist's office called to let me know all my scans came back normal! I am so relieved!

Breathing a little easier!

2011-08-29T10:27:00.004-04:00

So this morning as I was heading for my CT scan, I noticed I had a missed call from my oncologist's office. My heart dropped, because I have an appointment scheduled for Thursday to get the results of all my scans and they usually don't call me. I called back to find out the nurse was calling to tell me the results of my brain MRI and bone scan were both clear! THANK GOD!!! Now I just have to wait to hear good things in regards to my CT.

INSCANITY!

2011-08-23T10:23:00.001-04:00

I've been trying not to think too much, but the truth is this scares the crap out of me. Yesterday my oncologist was not in, so the nurse spoke to him today and called me back. He is ordering a CT of the chest, abdomen, and pelvis (8/29/11), brain MRI (8/27/11), and a bone scan (8/26/11) and then having me come in to see him afterward.

I don't even know what to think...

2011-08-20T10:20:00.002-04:00

Yesterday morning I had an appointment to have the nevus in my left eye checked. He dilated my eye and looked everywhere, can't find it. Got a different machine and looked all over, couldn't find it with that one either. So he tells me "I guess it is possible that it could have just went away." So, I asked how common that is and he said not very. Then he goes on to say that he doesn't know how to feel about this.

Since I am taking Tamoxifen, it may have been metastatic breast cancer that responded to the treatment (which is good for a bad scenario). He said I should have scans and blood work done to see if there is cancer elsewhere in my body. It is uncommon for breast cancer to spread to the eye and more common for it to go to the liver and bone. He ordered the blood work to check my liver function and some other stuff, but I need to talk to my oncologist to see about scans.

My doctor has a daughter who is only 4 years younger than me, so he thinks of me like his daughter. When he was discussing this stuff with me he had tears in his eyes.

All day yesterday, before and after the Britney Spears concert, I kept randomly breaking down and crying. If I get more bad news you might as well point me in the direction of the nearest tall building.

If all the tests come back normal then I will go back in 6 months to have both eyes dilated and examined.

RAH, RAH, RAH!!!

2011-08-19T16:32:00.001-04:00

I don't think I've mentioned this yet, but I am assistant coach for Camille's 9-10 year old cheerleading squad. We have the biggest squad, but the girls are great. I am having so much fun with it!

I am now also Treasurer and in charge of fundraising for her Competitive cheerleading squad!

Make sure you guys put all this volunteer stuff in my obituary when the time comes! lol Sorry, I know people don't like it when I talk like that, but I feel like I'm actually accomplishing something with my life the more I get involved with things.

Kadie's viewing

2011-08-16T17:26:00.005-04:00

Today was Kadie's viewing. In general, I don't handle death, viewings, or funerals well, but seeing that tiny casket was so hard. It isn't fair. She should still be here with her sisters and parents. She looked so peaceful and I know she isn't suffering any more, but my heart still breaks. I'm honored to have met her.

Kadence "Kadie" Louise Stonebraker, 4, Decker's Point, died Saturday, Aug. 13, 2011, at her home surrounded by her family.

The daughter of Jacob P. and Sarah L. (Yeomans) Stonebraker, she was born March 14, 2007, in Indiana.

Kadie greatly enjoyed attending Junior Church at the Bible Baptist Church located near Clymer.

She loved playing with little puppies and her kitty, Fluffy. Kadie liked spending time outside taking Ranger rides; swimming in the pool; jumping on the trampoline; having family cookouts; and watching fireworks.

Other moments that brought joy and smiles to Kadie included making macaroni and cheese with Nana Pat and "cooking" coffee with her Aunt Nancy.

A huge fan of Taylor Swift, Kadie loved the country music singer and her music. Kadie was able to attend two Taylor Swift concerts and was thrilled to receive a package of Taylor Swift items, including some autographed memorabilia, directly from the country singer's management team.

Kadie is survived by her parents, Jake and Sarah Stonebraker; her two sisters, Gracie Stonebraker, age 5, and JoJo Stonebraker, age 2, all at home in Decker's Point; paternal grandparents, Paul and Kathy Stonebraker of Decker's Point; and maternal grandparents, Daryl and Linda Yeomans of Rural Valley, and Dave and Emma Adams of Creekside.
She is also survived by her paternal great-grandmother, Patricia Raspe of Decker's Point; maternal great-grandparents, Ron and Doris Stiffler of Creekside; maternal step-great-grandmother, Marilyn Adams of Indiana; maternal step-great-grandfather, Leo Mattillio of Rural Valley; and a number of aunts, uncles and cousins.

She was preceded in death by her paternal great-grandfather, Fred Raspe; paternal great-grandparents, Herb and Helen Stonebraker; maternal great-grandparents, Frank and Ruby Yeomans; and her paternal great-aunt, Mary Louise "Chuckie" Knupp.

Friends will be received from 2 to 4 and 7 to 9 p.m. Tuesday, Aug. 16, 2011, at the Rairigh Funeral Home, Ltd. in Hillsdale.

A funeral service will be held at 11 a.m. Wednesday, Aug. 17, 2011, at the funeral home with Pastor James McCaulley officiating.

Interment will follow at the Shiloh Cemetery in Decker's Point.

In lieu of flowers, Kadie's family would appreciate memorial contributions be forwarded to the Junior Church in care of the Bible Baptist Church, 6280 Route 286 Hwy East, Indiana, Pa. 15701.

Rest in Peace Kadie!

2011-08-13T13:15:00.001-04:00

My heart breaks as I type this out, but sweet, 4 year old Kadie Stonebraker passed away this morning. Please keep her family in your thoughts in prayers.

Kadence Louise Stonebraker
March 14, 2007 - August 13, 2011

WE NEED A CURE NOW!!!!!

Britney, here I come!!!!!

2011-07-14T13:43:00.001-04:00

I am going to see Britney Spears and DJ Pauly D with a group of girls August 19th! Soooooo excited!!!!!

Happy Birthday Camille and Mom!

2011-07-11T12:54:00.002-04:00

Today is Camille's 9th Birthday!

Seems like just yesterday that she was turning 1!

Happy 30th Aaron!!!

2011-07-10T12:05:00.003-04:00

When I first moved out, Jeff and I rented my friend's mom's basement. They became family to us. Well my "little brother" just turned 30 and his wife through him a party. It was so nice getting to see everyone I hadn't seen in years!

Me and the birthday boy!

Mom and I

My friend from high school, Mike.

Birch and I rode the same bus.

My sister, Erika and I.

Wolfie, me, and Mike.

Jim dated my best friend, Jen back in the day.

me and the Sweeney brothers

Aaron's wife Crystal and I

10 Year Wedding Anniversary!

2011-06-29T22:00:00.002-04:00

10 years ago today, I married my first love. Who would've thought we would still be standing after everything life has thrown at us.

Love you Jeffrey Scott!

NKOTBSB Concert!!!!!

2011-06-16T11:48:00.001-04:00

Jenn and I were deprived as teenagers and not allowed to see the New Kids on the Block, which was the most popular boy band at the time. Soooooo, we went went as adults to the New Kids on the Block, Backstreet Boys concert!! Sooooo much fun!!!

It's official!!!

2011-06-07T13:08:00.001-04:00

I am now a Relay for Life Committee member! I've been wanting to get more involved since I've started with this whole thing, but I also didn't want to give up being with my team on the day of the relay. Well a committee member just called me and offered me the team recruitment title! I am so excited. I know it may seem morbid, but I'm glad to finally have something for my family to put into my obituary some day!!!!

CIRQUE DU SOLEIL

2011-06-06T21:38:00.000-04:00

My friend Stacey invited Camille and I to go with her family to see Totem, because she knew seeing a Cirque Du Soleil show was on my bucket list. The show was AMAZING!!!!! I definitely want to see them again....and again! Thanks so much Stacey! We had a blast!

Relay for Life 2011

2011-06-05T22:47:00.008-04:00

This year we managed to raise $2,786.83!

Here are some pictures...

As you can see, we did face painting again this year, which is always a huge hit!

This is a picture of me and 4 year old Kadie Stonebraker. She is fighting neuroblastoma. You can read her story at http://www.caringbridge.org/visit/kadiels

She is quite the amazing girl and her parents are amazing. My prayers are with them.

This is my AMAZING friend and lymphedema therapist Amy! I love her to pieces!

Jenn made cake pops to sell. Each one had 3 breast cancer ribbons on it, to represent the 3 years I've been surviving! She is the sweetest!

My favorite masterpiece this year!

Wendy who I met through YSC stopped by for a little again this year.

My nephews

And our annual after relay fun pictures....

Happy 3rd Cancerversary to me!!

2011-05-28T22:42:00.000-04:00

Happy 11th Birthday Gavin!!!!

2011-05-22T18:01:00.002-04:00

Where did my little boy go?!

Where has the time gone?!

2011-05-14T13:08:00.004-04:00

I have been soooooo busy lately that I'm lucky if I can remember my name! Here's what's been going on...

On Easter, we surprised the kids with a couple of White Pekin ducklings. They are such a great addition to our family. They are just precious. Here they are, Quacker and Sonny....

As you can see, they are growing super fast. Not even a month old yet and they are almost completely white, with new feathers coming in every day. I've been spending most of my time sitting outside with them lately. I just love them so much!

Then we have the kids' schedules that keep me hopping. Gavin is playing baseball, Camille just finished up Cheernastics and is now doing machine pitch softball, in addition to girl scouts. We are always running somewhere and soon cheerleading will start back up.

So, that explains why I have been MIA for a little while, now I will tell you the good news.....

I have a tattoo appointment!!!!!

That's right, the last step of my reconstruction process is now booked! September 1st! I will probably have to go in more than once before they are done, but it is the beginning of the end!

The aesthetician said to plan for the appointment to take atleast 2 1/2 hours, because they go over the risks, I sign the consent, we decide on the size and color together, and then she does both sides.

Hard to believe I am almost there!

14 Days until my Cancerversary.....

The things I've learned along the way

2011-05-01T09:42:00.003-04:00

In honor of my cancerversary that is quickly approaching (May 28th), I thought I would share a few of the things I've learned along the way. Things that the doctors don't tell ya!

1. Cancer is not just a bump in the road, it is like taking a totally different route. My entire life has been changed and will be forever.

2. You will be traumatized repeatedly by different things that happen along the way. For me, post surgery results were big offenders.

3. After reconstruction, my latissimus dorsi muscles still work, but not in my back. Makes doing certain things a little interesting for any nearby onlookers. My chiropractor thought it was crazy!

4. Sometimes I get muscle spasms and my foob will go crazy! I now know not to take my big purse while marathon shopping.

5. If I itch my foob, I can feel it in my back. TOTALLY WEIRD!!

6. I ache. I ache in my back where my muscles use to be. I ache where I've been cooked with radiation. I ache down the middle of my chest. Cancer treatment and reconstruction leaves you with lasting effects. Again, I stress, NOT JUST A BUMP IN THE ROAD!

I will stop there for now. I'm sure over the month of May I will think of some more to share, but until then, ponder those!

Could it be?!

2011-04-23T10:37:00.004-04:00

Is that a light I see at the end of this reconstruction tunnel?!

I think it may be!

I went for a check up with my plastic surgeon on Thursday and she said everything looks good. There are still a couple scabbed places, but all the main incisions are closed and the fipples themselves have shrunk down a good bit. She said they will continue to shrink down even more, so YAY!!!

Since I looked so good, she took pictures and said I don't have to come back until it is time for tattooing of the aerolas! Usually they have you wait three months after you have your fipples done, but since I've had complications, she wants me to wait atleast four before I get tattooed. That puts me at July, but I would rather wait till the end of August or the beginning of September so I don't have to miss out on any swimming this summer (I wouldn't be able to swim for about 2 weeks, due to risk of infection).

An aesthetician from my plastic surgeon's office is the one who will do the tattoos, so I will get a call from her to schedule when the time gets closer.

I can't believe the foobs are almost complete! I still want to have the scars on my back revised, so I'm not done with surgeries, but this will be a big milestone no less!!

Survivors are EVERYWHERE!

2011-04-16T19:42:00.005-04:00

This weekend was our giant family garage sale. I didn't do as good as last year, but I still did okay. The weather was beautiful on Friday. I even managed to get a crazy sunburn on my face. Today was HORRIBLE! It was pouring most of the time, super cold, and the wind gusts up to 60 mph!! Here's a couple pics from my backyard and on my road to give you an idea...

Thankfully the tree fell this direction, because the other way would've taken out the back of the house!

This is a couple houses down from my house. I had to drive under this tree and hope it didn't fall on me, to get home!! EEK!!!

Anyway, every year I put out my jar for relay donations, along with a pic of me bald that says "You are not too young for breast cancer...I was diagnosed at 29 years old!" It always catches people's attention and helps me spread awareness, but it also allows me to meet some of the most amazing people. Friday I met a woman who had ovarian cancer. Her tumor was the size of an infant's head when it was removed and that was 20 some years ago!!!! She was encouraging me to get the hysterectomy and Oophorectomy my doctors keep badgering me about. I told her I would think about it.

Today I met another breast cancer survivor, who was six years out from diagnosis. She said she rarely thinks about the beast now and is doing wonderfully. I cannot wait until I am at that point. Maybe once I get done with the reconstruction process I can move on a little better, I don't know.

So the garage sale was a lot of work, a huge pain in the arse, but I got rid of some crap, made a little money, and got some donations. I'll do it again.

WINNING!!!

2011-04-07T22:16:00.004-04:00

The fipples have been all steristipped on since my appointment last week, so I could only see one little part of each one. The drainage had stopped a few days back and I thought the parts I could see were looking better, but I still didn't really know what was going on under there, until today.

I went to my appointment not quite knowing what to expect when the steristrips came off, but thankfully I am here to report that everything is healing nicely!!!!!

So, as Charlie Sheen would say "DUH, WINNING!!"

They are both fully attached, non scabbed, and smaller than they were last week!! It looks as though I am finally over the hump and hopefully on the downward slope.

My doctor put a couple steristrips on them for protection and to make me feel safe, but I don't have to go back for two weeks, unless there are any signs of infection or the incisions reopen! Can you hear my sigh of relief?!

Hi, my name is Beth...

2011-04-07T08:07:00.005-04:00

and I am a reality tv show addict!

Seriously, just ask my husband, he will tell you. Our DVR is set to record just about every reality show you can imagine. Anything from Jersey Shore to The Bachelor to Extreme Couponing. I love it all!

Well, last night I was surprised to see the girls on America's Next Top model did a photo shoot for the Warriors in Pink campaign.

Of course the way they talked about breast cancer was kind of cheesy and the girl that everybody wants to see kicked off the show does the best in the photo shoot and wins a car, but still it was nice that they tried to incorporate some awareness into the show.

I give them an A for effort!

Oh Fipple Fairies,

2011-03-31T14:58:00.004-04:00

WHERE ARE YOU?!

One of my breast cancer sisters said "maybe the Fipple Fairies will show up and do their magic?" I'm not quite sure how the fipple fairies work. I didn't wake up and find a fipple under my pillow, so maybe I was suppose to put these ones under it and then I would've woke up to them attached? I didn't want to mess this up, but I'm sure I must have, because not only did the left one that was already opened up, open up more, now the right one is starting to open up as well.

Thankfully, today was my appointment to see my plastic surgeon. After checking out the fipples, my doctor said that she could understand why I am concerned. I guess it takes about a month for the dissolvable stitches to dissolve and when that happens the skin is suppose to step up and take over the job of holding things together. My skin has apparently decided to strike.

It is common for this to happen, but my left side has opened up more than she would like to see. She still believes it is going to hang on, but to reassure me, she put some steristrips over them and I am to put a gauze dressing over the opened spots. After things start to dry up (no more bacitracin) then they should tack down.

She was joking around with me saying that we should've known something was going to happen, because with me, something always does. If I ever go in for her to remove a mole, she said she will tell me it takes 3 months to heal, because although I don't do anything wrong, it always takes me way longer than everyone else to heal and recover!

So she put me on an antiobiotic, told me to change the gauze dressing once a day, and come back to see her in a week. In the meantime, she is there if I need her.

I'm still worried, but I feel so much better after talking with her. She has been so wonderful all through this reconstruction process. If she tells me she doesn't think I will lose the fipple, then I trust her.

Coming apart at the seams!

2011-03-29T22:58:00.002-04:00

I had big plans of being productive today. I was going to do the checkbook, pay the bills, get my driver's license picture taken, and shop at two different grocery stores.

I did the checkbook, paid the bills, went to get my shower and that is where it ended! That is when I FREAKED OUT!

As I was undressing I looked down and saw that my left fipple is not attached on the one side. The incision has opened up approximately 1 cm. All I could think was that my fear of it tearing off had come true, just when I stopped worrying!

I shut the shower off, ran out to show Jeff, cried, and then called my plastic surgeon's office. My doctor was in surgery all day, so I couldn't see her, but they said I could go have one of the physician's assistants check it out.

Jeff and I headed down to the office.

The physician's assistant and one of the other plastic surgeon's checked it out. It isn't infected and they both think that it will be fine. All I am suppose to do is put some bacitracin on it and she thinks the opening will fill in.

I was happy to hear she thinks it isn't going to fall off, but I am still having a hard time not freaking out. All I can think about is this fipple that is already detaching, ripping more. What will I do if this thing fails?! I know I should chill out, but I'm scared.

I see my doctor on Thursday. Hopefully I will feel better after seeing her. I know her and trust her.

Please pray my fipple hangs on and my plastic surgeon can calm my fears.

Cancer, I HATE YOU!!!

2011-03-25T08:53:00.005-04:00

I've always told my kids to never say they hate anyone. Hate, meaning to have an extreme hostility towards someone or something, is such a strong word. I don't think it should just be thrown around, so when I say it, know that I have really thought about it and mean it with every fiber of my being.

I HATE cancer for permanently changing me and so many others from who we once were.

I HATE cancer for causing families such pain.

I HATE cancer for causing such suffering in the lives of everyone it even comes close to.

I HATE cancer for taking so many lives.

Please pray for my friends. They are battling for their lives right now. Please pray that they have the strength and courage to fight this exhausting battle. My heart aches for them and I wish there was more I could do. I love them!

CANCER, I HATE YOU!!!!!!

Hello high beams!

2011-03-20T16:03:00.003-04:00

I finally took the leap and unleashed the fipples! Now I am only putting a piece of gauze over them, since they have scabs and leave little blood marks on whatever they touch. The donuts and nipple guards have officially been retired. Aren't you proud of me?! I'm just amazed that nothing traumatic has happened yet, now that they are so vulnerable.

I have to watch what I wear because these things are still out of control at this point, if you know what I mean by ehem, high beams! lol I also get pretty sore by the end of the day from just the pressure of my bra, so hopefully that gets better soon.

That is really all I have to say for now, I just wanted to announce my baby step! :)

17 days later

2011-03-18T08:27:00.004-04:00

It has been 17 days since my surgery and I am still adjusting to having these fipples. Don't get me wrong, they look much better, but they still have scabs, crazy sutures sticking out, and are big. My plastic surgeon told me I could stop wearing the nipple guards after 14 days, but I'm scared to go without. I have visions of them ripping open or ripping off and can't bring myself to take any chances. How crazy is that?!

Maybe it is just my lack of sleep catching up with me and that is really the reason I am now one fry short of a happy meal! I can't remember the last time I have had a good night's sleep. Since I had the procedure 17 DAYS AGO, Jeff has started sleeping like a wild animal. His arms randomly go flying crazily at me and I have to stay on guard in order to block him. Oh and he also has reverted back to snoring, so he also sounds like a wild animal. Nice, huh?! Isn't it bad enough that I can't sleep on my belly and I feel like I have to be conscious of my every movement in order to keep the fipples safe?! Seriously, I NEED SLEEP!!

On a different subject, for a while I have been entertaining the idea of having some guest posts on my blog. I have had a few emails asking me if I would allow them and I also have some people in mind that I would like to ask. I share as much as I can about how cancer has affected me, but I also want to share what it is like for other survivors and the people around us. I want to bring in a different perspective. I don't want to give anything away, but I have already asked my first person, so look for my first guest post from a very special person soon.

Fan-fipple-tastic!

2011-03-10T13:10:00.008-05:00

Today was my one week post op appointment with my plastic surgeon. It is a dreary, rainy day and all I wanted to do was sleep, but I drug myself into my car. I got there a bit early, so I was sitting in the waiting room reading a book, when all the sudden we hear a load noise right outside. All of us nosy patients start looking out the window, as the super nosy patients went out to see what happened. It turns out an ambulance was bringing a patient, overestimated the height of the awning outside the door, and hit the top of the ambulance on the awning! It was rather amusing to see their faces as they sat with the patient in the waiting room! I feel bad for them, but man was it funny!!!

My plastic surgeon said "They (the fipples) look great, if I do say so myself!" The steri strips came off this morning and everything is healing wonderfully. She gave me new nipple guards to wear, instead of the donuts that I had grown to love so much. These ones bring to mind images of the fembots from the Austin Powers movie. You know, the ladies that come out looking all sexy and then start shooting from there chest! Yeah, that is now me!

I will wear these bad boys for about a week.

Then, I gathered up my courage and asked her the burning question...

When will these fipples be a normal size?

I cringed while waiting to hear her answer. Hesitantly she tells me that it will take months.

WAIT, WHAT?!!! I have to walk around with these ginormous things on my chest for MONTHS?! She then went on to explain that they will significantly go down over the next month, but will not be their intended size for several months longer.

My "go to breast cancer sister," who has been there, done that, said that she had her fipple surgery done last March and felt that they were a nice size in July, so I guess this will be a long drawn out process, just like everything else. I will just have to keep my eye on the prize and be patient.

The good news is they are looking much better. I don't always feel the need to vomit when I shower now, I just feel like I have a giant growth sprouting from my foobs! I would like to call that progress!

I go back for a check up in 3 weeks.

The Unveiling!

2011-03-03T15:29:00.013-05:00

So today was shower day and I'm not gonna lie, I was SKERD!!! Yes, I had seen pictures of all the different stages of healing on someone else, but I knew from my past post-surgical freak outs that it wouldn't eliminate the shock of seeing my own body that way.

I took off the surgical bra and found that the gauze and inside of the protective donuts were covered in very thick, dried, clumpy blood that was stuck to the fipples. I started to gently pull it out and caught a glimpse of what was underneath...

OH MY GOSH

I about died! They are HUGE (I know, my plastic surgeon said to not freak out)and as I was trying to get the gauze off, it was pulling on the fipple! I immediately started to sweat and feel light headed. All I could picture was it coming completely off with the gauze. The more I tried to detach it, the more light headed and hot I became, so I ended up having to lay on my bathroom floor in order to collect myself.Some nurse, huh?! I would've be fine if I had been looking at someone else, but this is me! The thoughts, "What did I do to myself" come to mind.

Anyway, I dampened the gauze and worked on getting it off gently and slowly, all the while taking breaks on my bathroom floor to stop from passing out. What a hot mess I was! lol!

So, I eventually got it off, managed to shower, get some of the dried blood off, and take a good look at them. They aren't pretty. Actually they are ugly, but thankfully I know this is just part of the healing process.

THEY WILL LOOK BETTER!!!

On a positive note, I do believe I will be able to shower and look at them without passing out now. So glad that is over!

I wanted to post a video that my friend found on youtube that shows nipple reconstruction. My plastic surgeon's markings were a bit different and the stitching is as well, but it will give you an idea of what I had done.

WARNING: Don't watch it if you are squeamish!

FIPPLES FOR ME!!

2011-03-02T08:20:00.005-05:00

Yesterday was FIPPLE DAY!!
My friend Jenn and I had to get up at 3 am to be at the hospital by 5:30 am, so needless to say we were TIRED!!! My OR time was 7:30 and the procedure took about an hour. They put me under a light sedation and for the first time ever I remember being in the operating room. I started to feel them working on me (a little ouchy, but not excrutiating), so I layed there a couple minutes listening and eventually opened my eyes to notice I was still under the blue drape! Kinda freaked me out, but I made it through without being traumatized.

I haven't looked at the fipples yet, because there are "donuts of cushion" around them for protection and steri strips and gauze over them. Oh and don't forget the wonderful, new style of surgical bra they put me in. This one has lace and no velcro!!! Pretty snazzy in a grandma style, surgical bra kinda way! All the nurses in the recovery room were coming over to check it out, since it was the first they had seen it. lol!

So far I haven't had a lot of pain, I'm just sore. The nurse told me I have to be extra careful, because if I were to bump them I could rip them right off and bleed profusely! Now of course that is all I can think about and had a very hard time sleeping last night. I'm a belly sleeper and was soooooo afraid I would flip onto my belly if I went into a deep sleep and end up waking up in a puddle of blood and fipples laying on my bed. Hoping tonight goes better!

So for the next 2 weeks, I will be sporting these wonderful "donuts" under my bra for protection. I can shower tomorrow, as long as I put them right back on after I get out. And I go for a post-op visit next week.

I have to admit, I'm a bit nervous about seeing them when I shower tomorrow. My plastic surgeon told me to not be alarmed, but they will look huge, about twice the size they will end up. It helps that one of my breast cancer sisters sent me pictures of her fipple recovery, so I know they will look scary before they look fabulous, but I'm still scared. Seeing them on someone else helps, but somehow I fear it won't totally eliminate the shock. I've hear the words "caught in a meat grinder" used by others, so wish me luck!

Look for more news on the fipples to be coming soon!

The big day is scheduled!

2011-01-31T14:47:00.005-05:00

March 1st is when I will be getting my fipples! I'll be one step closer to being done with my reconstruction process that started December 2009! It is such a long process. I feel blessed to have such a wonderful plastic surgeon taking care of me!

Rest peacefully Daria

2011-01-25T18:38:00.004-05:00

January 24, 1961 – January 22, 2010

Lately I have been behind on my facebook and blog reading, so I was shocked to find out that one of my fellow breast cancer sisters passed away. Daria Maluta passed away peacefully in the arms of her loving husband Donald Dykstra, at 04:34 a.m. on Saturday, January 22, 2011 following a courageous long fought battle with cancer.

I "met" Daria Maluta through blogging. She was originally diagnosed with breast cancer in 2000, recurred in 2004, and then again in 2008. She was living with lung, liver and bone metastasis and yet continued to be a great support for many survivors. You can read her story at http://daria-livingwithcancer.blogspot.com/

My heart goes out to all who loved her.

Rest in peace Daria.

FIPPLES!!!!!

2011-01-25T14:24:00.005-05:00

The Fed Ex man brought me fipples!! Ya know, fake nipples?! One of my breast cancer sisters sent them to me.

I guess it is like test driving nipples. You can see what size you want, where you want them, etc, so you can work with your plastic surgeon to get results you love.

If you are interested, go to Amoena's website and check out where you can find your local retailer to get your own set of fipples.

Two Years of Hair Growth

2011-01-19T14:08:00.000-05:00

January 2011

January 2010

January 2009

No Boobs About It

2011-01-18T10:07:00.000-05:00

A while back I received an email from Jean Campbell, breast cancer survivor and author over at http://noboobsaboutit.com/. She wanted to know if she could do a feature about me on her website. I told her I would definitely be interested, so we then spoke on the phone and she told me the things she wanted me to address in my story, then wished me a Merry Christmas, and left me to do my "homework".

One would think that this assignment should be easy, but for some reason I had a hard time finding all the right words. I wanted to make sure that I wrote something that would be helpful to someone just starting out, but at the same time not sugar coat anything. I eventually sat down and was able to crank it out. Here's what I wrote...

Beth Gibbons, 2+ year Breast Cancer Survivor

I was a happy, 28 year old, mother of two and nursing student, when my husband found a lump in my breast. I knew that I should get it checked, but decided I was too busy and didn't have the time to deal with it. Three months later, just after graduation, I finally made an appointment. Although my doctor felt it was probably nothing, he sent me for testing. Those tests revealed that I had a 6 cm tumor in my left breast that was Infiltrating Ductal Carcinoma. I had breast cancer at the age of 29!!

After getting my diagnosis, my head was in a whirlwind. The thoughts of going through chemotherapy treatments, my long hair falling out, losing part or all of my breast, and having radiation, sent me off the deep end. I was overwhelmed, crying, and unable to sleep. I had the support of my friends and family, but yet I felt so alone. How was I ever going to make it through this?!

After taking some time to feel sorry for myself, I detached from what was going on. I like to call it going into my "denial bubble". This allowed me to feel like I was watching someone else live my nightmare. I could then laugh and joke about how I was going to be the person standing there with a crooked wig and be oblivious, or while walking down the street, the wind blow it off and I would have to chase after it.

I stopped thinking about everything I was going to have to do and started to think about what I needed to do right now. Taking each day, one step at a time, along with humor and distraction, I made it through chemo, having both of my breasts removed, radiation, and it is now getting me through my reconstruction. My advice to anyone who is just starting their fight is to do the same thing. Don't let cancer consume you. Live your life, one day at a time. If necessary, one minute or even second at a time.

Although I am done with my treatment, I still need to remind myself of this advice. It is hard to move on with life and not let fear take over. There are always going to be doctor's appointments to remind me that the cancer could come back. I still struggle at times, but then I stop myself, step back, and look at how much I have to be thankful for. My breasts may be fake, I have scars front and back, but I AM ALIVE!!!

I have found a wonderful support system through the Young Survival Coalition (www.youngsurvival.org). There are tons of young women dealing with the exact same issues and feeling the same things that I am. I can talk about anything and someone there will always relate. Not only do I receive support, but I also get to give it. To me, that is invaluable.

Make sure you check out Jean's site. She is an amazing woman and her site is a great resource.

Jean, thank you for the opportunity to work with you. Let's stay in touch!

Iciing on the cake?

2011-01-10T16:56:00.004-05:00

No, even better, nipples on the foobs!

I went to see my plastic surgeon today and she said everything looks great. I should be good to get my nipple reconstruction in March, as long as the hospital's schedule permits. They will call me to schedule soon.

So, I know you must be curious as to how they make the fipple (fake nipple), right? Well here's something I found that explains it better than I ever could...

In modern approaches to nipple reconstruction, the nipple mound is created from skin taken as a local flap on the reconstructed breast. Various local flaps have been described, including the Skate flap, the C-V flap and the Star flap. Regardless of which approach your surgeon chooses, the outcome will be a nipple mound. The areola can then be either tattooed, or it can be reconstructed with a skin graft taken from elsewhere on the body. Common donor sites for the graft include the abdominal scar from a flap reconstruction, the inner thigh, or the buttock crease.

http://www.breastreconstruction.org/SecondaryProcedures/NippleAreolaReconstruction.html

My doctor said it is a very outpatient kind of surgery. It will only require a local anesthetic, so I will be very awake and shouldn't have much pain at all. She describes the procedure like oragami.

Then the tattooed aerolas will be done after summer is over, so it doesn't ruin my summer (you have to be careful so they don't get infected).

Soooooo, I'm getting closer to the reconstruction finish line!! YAY ME!

Brownies

2011-01-06T19:55:00.000-05:00

Camille is a Brownie this year. Ya know, the little girl scouts?! So far she is loving it. She gets to see some of her friends that got moved to the other elementary school during this year's school changes, which is great!

Here I am with the troop leader. We were playing a game called Kangaroo Cookie catch or something. We didn't just dress like that! lol

Blood test for cancer creating excitement

2011-01-06T18:34:00.003-05:00

http://www.chron.com/disp/story.mpl/nation/7363222.html

Blood test for cancer creating excitement
Researchers say sensitive and speedy procedure will help treatment
By MARILYNN MARCHIONE
ASSOCIATED PRESS
Jan. 3, 2011, 12:53PM

BOSTON — A blood test so sensitive that it can spot a single cancer cell lurking among a billion healthy ones is moving one step closer to being available at your doctor's office.

Boston scientists who invented the test and health care giant Johnson & Johnson will announce Monday that they are joining forces to bring it to market. Four big cancer centers also will start studies using the experimental test this year.

Stray cancer cells in the blood mean that a tumor has spread or is likely to, many doctors believe. A test that can capture such cells has the potential to transform care for many types of cancer, especially breast, prostate, colon and lung.

Initially, doctors want to use the test to try to predict what treatments would be best for each patient's tumor and find out quickly if they are working.

"This is like a liquid biopsy" that avoids painful tissue sampling and may give a better way to monitor patients than periodic imaging scans, said Dr. Daniel Haber, chief of Massachusetts General Hospital's cancer center and one of the test's inventors.

Ultimately, the test may offer a way to screen for cancer besides the mammograms, colonoscopies and other less-than-ideal methods used now.

"There's a lot of potential here, and that's why there's a lot of excitement," said Dr. Mark Kris, lung cancer chief at Memorial Sloan-Kettering Cancer Center in New York. He had no role in developing the test, but Sloan-Kettering is one of the sites that will study it this year.

Many people have their cancers diagnosed through needle biopsies. These often do not provide enough of a sample to determine what genes or pathways control a tumor's growth. Or the sample may no longer be available by the time the patient gets sent to a specialist to decide what treatment to prescribe.

Doctors typically give a drug or radiation treatment and then do a CT scan two months later to look for tumor shrinkage. Some patients only live long enough to try one or two treatments, so a test that can gauge success sooner, by looking at cancer cells in the blood, could give patients more options.

"If you could find out quickly, 'this drug is working, stay on it,' or 'this drug is not working, try something else,' that would be huge," Haber said.

The only test on the market now to find tumor cells in blood — CellSearch, made by J&J's Veridex unit - just gives a cell count. It doesn't capture whole cells that doctors can analyze to choose treatments.

Interest in trying to collect these cells soared in 2007, after Haber and his colleagues published a study of Mass General's test. It is far more powerful than CellSearch and traps cells intact. It requires only a couple of teaspoons of blood and can be done repeatedly to monitor treatment or determine why a drug has stopped working and what to try next.

"That's what got the scientific community's interest," Kris said. Doctors can give a drug one day and sample blood the next day to see if the circulating tumor cells are gone, he explained.
Cancer cells adhere to microchip

The test uses a microchip that resembles a lab slide covered in 78,000 tiny posts, like bristles on a hairbrush. The posts are coated with antibodies that bind to tumor cells. When blood is forced across the chip, cells ping off the posts like balls in a pinball machine. The cancer cells stick, and stains make them glow so researchers can count and capture them.

The test can find one cancer cell in a billion or more healthy cells, said Mehmet Toner, a Harvard University bioengineer who helped design it. Researchers know this because they spiked blood samples with cancer cells and then searched for them with the chip.

Studies have been published in Nature, the New England Journal of Medicine and Science Translational Medicine. It is the most promising of several dozen that companies and universities are rushing to develop, said Bob McCormack, technology chief for Veridex.
M.D. Anderson participating

The agreement announced Monday will have Veridex and J&J's Ortho Biotech Oncology unit work to improve the microchip, including trying a cheaper plastic to make it practical for mass production. No price goal has been set, a company official said.

The companies will start a research center at Mass General, which holds the patents.

In a separate effort, Mass General, Sloan-Kettering, University of Texas M.D. Anderson Cancer Center in Houston and Dana-Farber Cancer Institute in Boston will start using the test this year. They are one of the "dream teams" sharing a $15 million grant from the Stand Up to Cancer telethon, run by the American Association for Cancer Research.

Already, scientists have been surprised to find that more patients harbor these stray cells than has been believed.

In one study, the test was used on men thought to have cancer confined to the prostate, "but we found these cells in two-thirds of patients," Toner said.

This might mean that cancer cells enter the blood soon after a tumor starts, or that more cancers have already spread but are unseen.

Or it could mean something else entirely, because researchers have much to learn about these cells, said Dr. Minetta Liu, a breast cancer specialist at Georgetown University's Lombardi Comprehensive Cancer Center. She led a session on them at the recent San Antonio Breast Cancer Symposium and has been a paid speaker for Veridex.

"The dream is, a woman comes in for her mammogram and gets a tube of blood drawn," so doctors can look for cancer cells in her blood as well as tumors on the imaging exam, she said.

I saw the wizard...

2011-01-05T19:29:00.001-05:00

the wonderful wizard of oncology, that is!

I had my three month check up with my oncologist this morning. After getting caught up on what was shaking down with all my other doctors, he said everything looks good. I couldn't let him get off that easy though. He needs to earn his money, so I brought up Tamoxifen. I wanted to know if I was really going to have to take this stuff for the entire 5 LONG YEARS! He said that unless I experience some serious side effect, like a blood clot or something, he recommends I do. I made him go into detail and so he did. He says that this will reduce my risk of recurrence by about 30%. If he would've said 5% or something, I think I would've kissed it goodbye, but since it is a fairly high percentage, I will take it. I won't like it, but I'll do it.

I go back in 3 months.

Gavin

2011-01-03T19:53:00.000-05:00

My little man, who is not so little, got braces!

2010 Holiday Season!

2011-01-03T18:46:00.009-05:00

Here are some pictures from our holiday season.

Baking sugar cookies with Great Grandma.

Just in case you were wondering, the snowman with the red scarf on, that is so fabulous was made by me!

My favorite candid shot of Gavin and Camille telling Santa what they wanted for Christmas.

Gavin's grade did a Christmas show for the parents. It was really cute.

We went with my Aunt to tour her friend's house. She had 70 Christmas trees all decorated using a theme. It was amazing. Here are just a few of the pictures.

Leaving cookies and milk for Santa. I hardly got any sleep this night, because I couldn't wait for the kids to get up and see all their presents.

Christmas Day

I hope everyone had a wonderful Christmas and New Year's. We sure did!

Mini-Me

2010-12-29T19:39:00.005-05:00

Camille got her hair chopped off today. Here's the before and after shots...

Now her hair is my length, so everyone says she looks like me.

Here's a couple pictures that I think her and I look so much alike. Camille on the left, me on the right.

Progress?!

2010-12-22T20:48:00.005-05:00

So, I've been to the chiropractor 4 times now, I think. It seemed to be helping the headaches, until the last couple days. Now I'm right back to having all the sinus pressure. I want to scream!!!

The truth is if I scream, no one will listen, so I'll just suck it up and deal.

This video pretty much says how the doctors make me feel...

Visits with Santa through the years

2010-12-22T12:34:00.005-05:00

2000
Look at my chubby little Gavin! Isn't he sweet?!

2002
Check out Gavin's bunny posing for the pic with Santa! He is still alive and kicking. Camille is a little scared. lol

2003
This is the year that Santa was less than thrilled to have a screaming little girl on his lap! lol Also, I think we traumatized Camille this year.

2005

2006

2007

2008

2009

2010

I hope my kids realize they will be getting their pictures taken with Santa like this until they are at least 18. After all we can't break tradition! lol

Shopping Amanda and Beth style!

2010-12-19T11:07:00.006-05:00

My BFF and I went on a Christmas shopping marathon. We had so much fun trying on goofy sunglasses and hats. There is never a dull moment when we are together!

Don't worry, even though it looks like there is a dead raccoon on my head, it is just a hat!

There is a STALKER among us!!!!

2010-12-13T22:06:00.003-05:00

Hello stalker! I know all about you. I know that you have been here and stolen one of my pictures that I posted. You then went as far as forwarding that picture to a certain someone, who you knew would try to cause problems.

Don't worry you accomplished what you set out to do. "The person" tried to cause problems, but you'll be sad to know, he did not succeed.

You see, it doesn't work when the person who is saying horrible things about my sister isn't worth the time. He can say hurtful things all he wants, but it isn't going to work. Breaking up with him was the best thing she ever did and she knows that! He only continues to prove it.

I love you little sister and couldn't have been more proud of you than the day you woke up and realize you deserve better, MUCH, MUCH BETTER!!!!

P.S. Stalker, keep your grubby hands off of my pictures. They are my property and you do not have my permission to use them.

Now back to my regular scheduled blogging......

The chiropractor

2010-12-13T21:49:00.003-05:00

I've been to one before. When I was in nursing school I had some lower back pain. She adjusted me a few times and gave me exercises to do that would strengthen my core. I really like her, but I still have restrictions and cannot do all those yoga type things right now, so I went to someone else.

My PCP recommended someone who he felt was less "Voodooish" than some of the others we have locally. After doing an exam, he said I am crooked when standing, my jaw deviates to the right, and my neck needs some work, but he thinks I can be fixed in a relatively short time.....PHEW! I hate how chiropractors want you to go 5 days a week for a long time. Who can pay a $25 copay every visit, that many times?!

I got x-rays done, had electric stimulation on my neck and lower back, and then he adjusted me using the ProAdjuster. It's pretty neat.

Anyway, he wants me to get adjusted 3 times a week for a couple weeks and in the meanwhile write down everything I eat. EEK, I don't want to share that information!! I'm trying to eat healthier, but it is a work in progress. I don't want him to see how much I don't eat (I don't eat if I'm not hungry) and how many processed things are in my diet! I know it is bad. That's why I'm working on it!!!!!!!!!

So, we will see how it goes. Hopefully it helps the headaches and fast!

I DO have a brain!

2010-12-13T13:50:00.003-05:00

The doctor's office just called to tell me that my brain MRI results were normal!!

I do in fact have a brain (JEFF!) and it does not have cancer!

Sooooo, I guess if you were one of the "Everything will be okay" people, you were right....this time!

Now I am off to see the chiropractor to see what he has to say.

Thank you for all the prayers and support!

"Everything will be okay!"

2010-12-10T08:55:00.003-05:00

Whenever I have a test, scan, or doctor's appointment, there are always tons of well wishers. I know they love me and want me to live a long life, but how can they say "Everything will be okay"?

Everyone thought my breast ultrasound, mammogram, and biopsy were all going to be okay. THEY WEREN'T! You know this!!!

I have had cancer. It can come back. How can you tell me "Everything will be okay"? Do you have a crystal ball????, because I would really love to know what the future holds. The truth is we don't know. My cancer could come back at any time.

I know, think positive. Don't be "Debbie Downer". Well, I'm sorry but there are women who statistically should still be here and they are not.

I think I am entitled to the occasional freak out.

So, what do you say when I'm freaking out? Just say, "I really hope everything is okay" or "I'll be here for you no matter what".

Something, anything, just don't tell me you know I'm going to be okay.

The Inscanity begins!

2010-12-09T23:17:00.003-05:00

Today was my first ever MRI and I was NERVOUS!

1. They are shoving me into a tube. Am I going to be claustrophic? I don't know. I've never been shoved into a tube before.

2. They are scanning my brain to see if there is cancer there. I think that could make anyone nervous, don't ya think?!

So anyway, I lay down on the table, they give me ear plugs, strapped my head in, I closed my eyes, and they shoved me into the tube. It is a tight squeeze, so I'm not really sure how overweight people get this done. Open MRI maybe?!

Once in, they started the scan. It sounded like a freight train went over my head and then it sounded like someone knocking loudly. These sounds go back and forth for awhile. There is so much loud banging. I actually have a hard time believing they haven't invented a quieter version yet. Someone really needs to get on that.

They did the scan without contrast and then pulled me out, gave me the contrast and shoved me back in to scan some more. It took about 20 minutes.

I did peak once to see just how close the machine was to my face, I can totally see why people would have a problem, it is right there in your face. I was okay, because the ends are open and there is air moving. If it weren't for that, I would've freaked!

Now I wait for the results. Let's hope they say there is a brain in there and it doesn't have any cancer. Fingers crossed!

I quit throwing my tantrum...

2010-12-07T13:31:00.004-05:00

just long enough to go see my PCP today. He did a neurologic exam and doesn't feel my headaches are caused by anything serious, but he said he would be stupid to not send me for a scan, with my breast cancer history and all. So, I go for an MRI of the brain, with and without contrast on Thursday to rule out metastatic breast cancer.

He also gave me a muscle relaxer to take at bedtime(in case it is tension) and told me to maybe give the chiropractor a try (in case it is my neck). If none of this works, then we will try something else. At least it is a start.

Whatsup doc?!

2010-12-01T13:25:00.005-05:00

Today was my one week post-op appointment with my plastic surgeon and of course I woke up to it snowing. Why wouldn't it snow the day I have to drive over an hour away?!

By the time I went to leave, I had to push about 2 inches of snow off of my car. It was really coming down fast. I was kinda worried that the slushy roads might get worse and give me a hard time.

Luckily, it slowed way down and the slush that had covered the roads melted. By the time I drove home, the roads were clear and it was only slightly flurrying. Thank goodness!

So anyway, back to my plastic surgeon appointment....Everything looks good!!!

No fluid accumulated, so there is no regret of leaving my old friend Mr. JP drain out of the picture and I got to find out what went down in the OR. I had been dying to know if she was able to do the revisions without the cadavier tissue and as it turns out, she was. I guess I won't be a member of the "Dead People Skin club" with Kim afterall. :(

She actually used my own tissue to create the sling and then stitch everything down. Now I have to be careful and let everything heal for about 6 weeks, which is an eternity. She recommends I wear an underwire bra to keep everything in place while it heals, no lifting above my head, or pulling anything too heavy. I can however, run the sweeper with my left hand and do things as long as I am careful with the right side. I will be able to feel when it starts to pull on the stitches, so I'll just let that be my guide. I go back in 6 weeks. Pretty easy appointment if you ask me!

Oh and a quick blurb about my headache issue...

They are still here EVERY.SINGLE.DAY!
I am still frustrated and haven't called any doctor about it.
My ENT's office called me to see how my immunologist appointment went.

My ENT is absolutely wonderful. It really is a shame I don't have any allergies and won't be needing him. He is so thorough and really cares about his patients. I spoke with his nurse and filled her in on how the appointment went down and how I am now writing off all doctors. She put me on hold so she could relay the information to the doc and before I knew it he was on the phone. He gave me the name of a good neurologist and said that if it isn't headaches causing my "allergy" symptoms (rather than the allergy symptoms causing the headaches) then he will be left scratching his head. He wants me to see this woman and let him know how it goes.

I haven't made the appointment yet.

Just an FYI...

2010-11-28T15:17:00.005-05:00

My protest has ended and today I started taking my meds again.
Who knows, I may even call my PCP this week, regarding my headaches....we'll see!

We like to party, party!!

2010-11-28T14:45:00.007-05:00

Yesterday we celebrated my niece Scarlet's 1st birthday, princess style! Her mama went all out and it looked amazing!

The birthday singing and cheering scared the little princess!

Camille lost a tooth at the party! I think that is her get rich quick scheme, because she has been on a roll lately!

After the birthday party, we had a pajama party. We got together to watch A Christmas Carol in our pjs. A fun kind of caous!!

Yes, we are that kind of crazy!!

2010-11-26T19:45:00.008-05:00

It is tradition to go Black Friday shopping with my sister(s). We usually leave around 2:30 a.m., but this year we decided to hit the stores that opened at midnight, before we hit the rest of our usual madness! So as I sit here typing, I have been up for 36 hours and over 12 of those hours were spent shopping!

Last year Jess and I went alone. She was having contractions and I felt like I had a UTI. We didn't let those little things stop us though, because we are hardcore! I can remember getting in the door and puking. lol

This year I was broke out with a very itchy rash (not sure what med is doing that), so I took Benadryl, which in turn made me sleepy and let's not forget I am still sore. I was a hot mess, but we still managed to have a blast. There is nothing like sisters, who are sleep deprived and on a mission. There are always tons of tears that run down our cheeks as we bust a gut laughing!

Erika went to one store with us this year. While we were fighting our way through the store there was a very ignorant man who made a comment about how someone was going to get run over, then he looked at Erika and said "looks like someone already did." She said "Thanks a lot asshole" and then walked around trying to cover up her eyebrow, so no one else would see. :( People never cease to amaze me with their dumb comments. Do they not think before they speak?!

As you can see we get a bit goofy!

Sometimes we really need a break, but just can't stop shopping! This is our compromise!

We always find atleast one hidden treasure! This year it was A FANNY PACK!!!!!!

Too bad I didn't buy it. Doesn't it look like it was made for me?!

After we finished our shopping, we hung out at my parent's house. The kids made turkeys which I think turned out absolutely adorable!

And so begins the holiday season!

Happy Thanksgiving!!

2010-11-25T18:28:00.003-05:00

I have a lot to be thankful for this year...

I am thankful to have so many people care about me. I don't know what I would do without the support of my family and friends. I am blessed to have each and every one of them in my life.

I am thankful for all of the breast cancer sisters I have met since being diagnosed. They have been there for me in ways that others can't be.

I am thankful for each day of my life I am granted. There are so many women whose lives have been cut short due to this horrible disease and I am well aware I could be one of them someday. My thoughts are with the loved ones who have been left behind. I pray they find a way to get through the holidays.

Hope you all had a wonderful Thanksgiving as well!

Quite the pair we are!!

2010-11-24T21:39:00.004-05:00

Erika and I, the broken down sisters, the day after our surgeries!

Surgery went well!

2010-11-24T12:34:00.005-05:00

I guess my plastic surgeon managed to achieve the desired look without using cadavier tissue. I say I guess because...

1. The nurses weren't sure and my mom said the dr. hadn't said anything to her about having to use it.
2. I haven't really had a good look yet to know if it was my desired look.

My restrictions for the next six weeks are no lifting, pushing, pulling anything heavier than 10 lbs. and no lifting my arm up above my head when getting dressed, so I don't pull the internal stitches out. Talk about annoying restrictions!

The absolute best part of the day was waking up in recovery and finding out she didn't put a drain in!!!!!! Hallelujah!!!!

Right now I am queasy, tired, and more sore than I had anticipated, but I'm sure it will get better soon.

Hope you enjoy the picture of me in my sexy postop bra! ;)

Erika's surgery went well too. Her plastic surgeon ended up only working on her scars and decided to wait another 3 months to do the hair transplant to make an eyebrow. I'm sure that must be frustrating for her, but it is better for the end result.

That's about it for an update. I hope everyone has a great Thanksgiving and tons of fun black friday shopping!

Checking in before surgery

2010-11-23T07:58:00.004-05:00

Yesterday I went for pre-op with my plastic surgeon. All of my pre-op testing was good, so she drew her plan of action all over my chest in preparation for today.

FYI: Do not wear a v-neck on the day your plastic surgeon is going to draw all over you, just sayin'! I did and ended up having to walk out with my hoodie all zipped up in order to cover all the black marker lines that my shirt did not hide! lol

She said she is going to try to achieve the desired results without having to use the cadavier tissue (or as my friend Kim likes to call it, Dead people skin) as a sling, in order to try to reduce the risk of complications, but it will be there for her in case she needs it. I also may be reunited with my dear friend, Mr. JP drain, UGH!! I really hope I wake up and find out she didn't need to use one, but she said since she will be messing with the capsule it would probably be a good idea. I'll deal with whatever happens, but my fingers will definitely be crossed.

I have to be at the hospital at 11:00 and my surgery is scheduled to start at 1:00.

My sister, Erika wanted to be cool like me and will be having surgery at another hospital today as well. She will be getting another skin graft, some scar revisions, and a hair transplant to make her a new eyebrow. It is a busy day for our family!

To quickly update on my headaches and mood...

The headaches are still here. They are getting worse and are constant.

I am currently on a med strike that started on my bad day. That night I picked up the bag that I keep them all in and whipped it across the room. I picked the bag up off the floor, but haven't taken any of them since. (Don't worry, my tantrum will eventually end and I will resume my compliance.)

So, that's my update. I will check in as soon as I can to let you all know how surgery went. Hopefully the girls will be looking beautiful!

I throw my hands up in the air sometimes...

2010-11-20T12:56:00.006-05:00

...but not to say AY-OH, to say I'M DONE!!!!!!!!!!!

Yesterday was one of those days.

I had two appointments.

The first one was with the ophthalmologist to have my left eye checked. He said the nevus is stable, measuring 1.5 mm x 1.5 mm. It looks okay, but mets cannot be ruled out. I am currently on Tamoxifen, which could be keeping it at bay. He said we could do a biopsy, but it would be major surgery, they would have to go in through the front of my eye, and it would cause more problems (vision problems, cataracts, etc) than it's worth. Yeah, I'm not really into all that, so we will continue to watch it. I go back in 3 months.

Appointment number two was with the immunologist. My ENT wanted my immune system checked out since I have all of these "allergy symptoms" and sinus headaches, but my allergy testing was negative. I saw two doctors there (both commented on my crazy eyes). The first one came in and asked me a bunch of questions and the second one came in, sat down, told me he thinks I am having migraines and should see a neurologist, then sent me on my way. Neither one did any type of physical exam at all. I felt like bursting into tears at that very second, but instead I waited till I got to the car. Not only did he pass me off to another doctor, I am still having these unrelenting headaches, that hurt to even move my eyes and I will now have to wait for yet another appointment. It is so frustrating. I'm to the point of throwing in the towel. I want to quit seeing all doctors, quit taking all my medicines, and just let whatever happens, happen.

Surgery is Tuesday. Hoping my mood improves.

LBBC Conference 2010

2010-11-15T12:40:00.010-05:00

The 2010 Living Beyond Breast Cancer Conference was held on November 13th in Philadelphia, PA. I went last year and enjoyed myself, but the conference itself was a little hard to get through. This year it was amazing! The energy of the speakers was night and day when compared to last year. So, WAY TO GO LBBC!!!

I want to give a couple of the speakers a shout out....

Marisa C. Weiss, MD. She spoke not only as a doctor, but as a breast cancer survivor. She was down to earth and kept things very interesting. I wish she were my doctor!

Sherry Lebed Davis. She is also a survivor and was hilarious! She told stories from her experiences, such as feeling like Tinkerbell as her light was going out, her dog getting a hold of her prosthetic boob and using it as a chew toy, the fire department coming because her nipple caught on fire, and more. Each story shows what a dynamic personality she has. If you ever have a chance to hear her speak, do it!!!!

The other fantastic part of going to this conference is the time it allowed me to spend hanging out with my Young Survival Coalition girls, which is so very special to me. They are the ones who "get it". We laugh and cried together the entire time. I have a TON of pictures, but I won't over do it and post them all.

So funny, but probably had to be there....

This is my Chemical Crusader sister Carrie. We went through treatment at the same time and she was an amazing support to me and all the other crusaders. Love her to pieces.

Remember me posting about my dear sister Lisa Collins who passed away? She was the one who took Flat Beth to conference last year. Well I had the oportunity to get my picture taken with Flat Lisa. It was very emotional, considering I never had the opportunity to meet the real Lisa in person. Many tears were shed as we shared memories of her this weekend.

My twin? Long lost sister? This is Patty. Last year at conference everyone said she looked like Flat Beth. We don't see it, but everyone else does. What do you think?

This is Tracey. She takes Flat Lisa with her every time she travels. Meeting her was like meeting a rock star!

These are the times that are priceless to me.

GOOOOOOOOO MC!!!!!!!!!

2010-11-15T10:36:00.000-05:00

While I was away in Philly Camille's cheerleading squad got first place!!!!

Things that make you go HMMMMM

2010-11-09T12:27:00.005-05:00

Lately I have noticed a significant change in my short term memory. It is to the point where I will read one of my sticky note reminders in the kitchen, turn around to go do whatever it is, and forget before I hit the bedroom. Well I was talking to my mom about it and she wondered if maybe I was in peri-menopause, because that is how she was when she was there. I came home and started researching the effects of Tamoxifen on cognition and came across this....

http://www.springerlink.com/content/0p12681h108g6339/

The selective estrogen receptor modulator, Tamoxifen (TAM), is one of the most frequently prescribed drugs for the treatment of breast cancer; however, its effects on the cognition of users have not been adequately studied. Although TAM is an effective anti-estrogen that blocks tumour growth in the breast, it could also influence the activity of other target estrogen sites, including the brain. The exact nature of this interaction is unknown.

Methods
A cross-sectional design was used to compare cognitive task performance of two treatment groups: 1) women using TAM for the treatment of early breast cancer (n = 23); and 2) age-matched, healthy women not using TAM (n = 23). All participants were pre-menopausal, and recipients of chemotherapy were excluded from the study.

Results
It was found that TAM users scored significantly worse than controls on tasks of immediate and delayed visual memory, verbal fluency, immediate verbal memory, visuo-spatial ability, and processing speed.

Discussions/Conclusions
Although limited by the lack of baseline data and pre-morbid intelligence measures, the results of this exploratory study suggest that at least in pre-menopausal women, TAM may exert a widespread negative influence on cognitive abilities.

Implications for Cancer Survivors
Larger, randomized, prospective trials are required to confirm these results; however, TAM use in pre-menopausal breast cancer may be associated with cognitive difficulties. Knowledge and understanding of these complications will be important for professionals in communicating both the benefits and risks of TAM use in breast cancer survivors

I talked to my oncology nurse about this and she said they have never had any patients complain about this. She recommended I bring this up when I go see the immunologist, because it could be related to all the sinus headaches, etc. That being said she thinks the benefit of the Tamoxifen far outweighs forgetfulness, if it is indeed the cause.

I'm not sure I agree. It is horrible feeling like I would forget my head if it weren't attached.

Something to research and think about I guess.

My little cheerleader!

2010-11-06T16:30:00.001-04:00

This year was Camille's first year being a cheerleader and she absolutely loves it! All day long she does cheers and she is pretty good at it. So she tried out for the competitive cheerleading squad and made it. The girls have been working their butts off. Today was their first competition.

In the beginning she was super nervous and went into panic mode, but as you can see she pulled it together and did great. I would've been in the fetal position on the floor crying! lol

They ended up getting 3rd place in their age division!

Drum roll please.....

2010-11-05T13:30:00.002-04:00

I got my first nursing paycheck!!!!

It isn't what I ever imagined it would be, but it's something. I recently started subbing for a local school district. It allows me to make a little bit of money and the opportunity to get my feet wet, without a commitment that would require me to schedule time off for appointments and surgeries. So far I really enjoy it. It will be perfect until I can get a full-time job.

WTH?!

2010-11-02T10:17:00.001-04:00

Before cancer I never went to the doctor.

After cancer I go all the time and hate it!

For months now I have been dealing with what seems to be allergies. My PCP has me on 4 medications to try to control it, but I'm still miserable. I have a constant pressure headache behind and around my eyes, my eyes go blurry off and on and ache when I look around, my nose constantly runs (clear), my throat is sore from drainage, and my lungs ache (It feels like I'm getting a cold, but never do).

I went to see an ENT.

He sent me for a CT of my sinuses. It showed sinusitis (no infection, just inflammation). I did both inhalant and food allergy testing. All was negative. He doesn't know what the hell is causing all of these symptoms, so he has referred me to an immunologist to have my immune system checked out.

I am so frustrated. What the hell is wrong with me? If it weren't for the constant pressure I would just throw in the towel, but since I am ready to drill holes in my face to relieve this pressure, I won't.

My appointment with the immunologist is Nov. 19th. The same day I go back to the ophthalmologist to have my left eye checked to make sure my nevus is not mets.

I am so stressed.

What is wrong with me?

Getting ready!

2010-11-01T10:18:00.002-04:00

PRE-OP TESTING... CHECK!

Today I went for my EKG, chest x-ray, and blood work. Now let's just hope it all comes back normal. The last few times my EKG hasn't liked to cooperate, so cross your fingers my heart behaved itself.

Only 11 more days till I am chillaxin' with my YSC girls in Philly! I cannot wait to see my friends from last year, as well as make some new ones!

I think I'm well aware already!

2010-10-25T21:03:00.005-04:00

In just October, YSC has lost 5 of our girls. I feel sick, shaky, mad, and so extremely sad every time we lose another sister. This month those feelings are multiplied by a million, because we haven't even had time to heal from one loss before we have another. It scares the hell out of me.

SERIOUSLY, FIVE IN ONE FLIPPING MONTH!!!!! WHEN IS IT GOING TO END?!

Vanessa Roman
March 26, 1978 - October 22, 2010
32 YEARS OLD

Claudia Luecke
January 21, 1967 - October 15, 2010
43 YEARS OLD

Amy Fisher
October 18, 1973 - October 12, 2010
36 YEARS OLD

Jody Garrison
July 11, 1977 - October 11, 2010
33 YEARS OLD

Selena Seymour
January 7,1977 - October 2, 2010
33 YEARS OLD

Please don't forget any of our fallen sisters. Keep their memories alive.
Lost but not forgotten.

It's scheduled!

2010-10-22T13:20:00.002-04:00

My surgery will be November 23rd! I know it is a couple days before Thanksgiving, but I'm not scared. My last surgery's recovery was a breeze and I anticipate this one to be the same. At least I hope it is! lol

The sad thing is I could have scheduled it sooner, but I want to be able to drink November 12-14 when I go to Philadelphia for the LBBC conference , so I scheduled around it! How bad is that?! Oh well, I want to enjoy the time I spend with my YSC girls.

Postsecret post

2010-10-21T13:37:00.003-04:00

http://www.postsecret.com/

I'm sure people think this about me, but how can I keep my mouth shut when I see young women dying of this horrible disease all the time?! YSC has lost 4 sisters just in the month of October! It is SICKENING! So, if you think this, please ignore me, but I cannot keep quiet!

Coming soon....

2010-10-16T10:44:00.003-04:00

I went to see my plastic surgeon on Thursday. It looks like I will be getting some revisions done very soon. During this surgery she is going to make an internal bra out of cadaver tissue to bring the right breast up and in. Hopefully this will give me a little more symmetry. It is amazing what they are able to do. I can't wait to see the results!

After this surgery I will have to wait at least 3 months before we can talk about the next step, nipples. Then on down the road we can talk about doing scar revisions on my back. Those scars have gotten really wide, due to the complications I had, so I really look forward to nice thin scars. It is a slow process, but very exciting!

I'll update again when I know more.

Think about it!

2010-10-14T08:03:00.000-04:00

Beth's Believers shirts

2010-09-20T11:36:00.002-04:00

I am already starting to plan for the 2011 Relay for Life Event. I would like to have team shirts this year. Here is what I came up with...

Make custom t-shirts at CustomInk.com

If you think you may be interested in purchasing one, please let me know.

MAMMOGRAM!

2010-09-20T09:42:00.001-04:00

PHANTOM OF THE OPERA!!

2010-09-18T17:42:00.002-04:00

Last night we went to The Phantom of the Opera.

Jeff and I on our way to the show!

Standing outside the Benedum Center.

Our seats were in the second row, center!

My friend Cheri and her daughter Erin went the same night. Their seats were diagonally in front of us.

OH MY GOSH IT WAS AMAZING!!!!! I didn't want it to end.

I'm so happy I was able to go. Now I can officially cross that one off of my bucket list!

Tumor by Christina Blust

2010-09-13T15:27:00.003-04:00

A woman from YSC's sister wrote this song. I absolutely love it, so I thought I would share.

http://christinablust.bandcamp.com/track/tumor

Tumor, you are mistaken: you are actually a bag of poppy seeds.
I will plant you in my yard.
Come summer, all your petals will go haywire, orange and red.
You will not spread. You will grow flowers instead.

Tumor, you are mistaken: you are actually an old wooden desk.
I will rest my head upon you.
On your surface, lovingly, I'll carve three words next to my name.
You will not spread. You will support my books instead.

Tumor, you are mistaken: you are actually my favorite cotton skirt.
I will put you on in winter.
When the winds come, you will not hinder their pathway to my knees.
You will not spread. You will fit nicely instead.

Tumor, you are mistaken: you are actually a small, frenzied moth.
I will watch you from the front door.
You will kiss the light on my porch, find in its brilliance fatal joy —
you will not spread. You will die for love instead.

credits
from Sudden Amaryllis, released 17 October 2009
Christina Blust: guitar, vocals

I think I'm going to buy the CD.

My Bucket List

2010-09-08T14:40:00.006-04:00

I'm sure you all know what a bucket list is, but just in case there is someone out there that doesn't, I will tell you. A bucket list is a wish list of things to do before you "kick the bucket". After having cancer, I have come to the realization that I really need to strive to accomplish these things.

Here's my list so far...

1. Learn to play the guitar
2. Take a belly dancing class
3. Run a half marathon
4. Run a full marathon
5. See Phantom of the Opera
6. See Cirque Du Soleil
7. Take my kids to Disney World
8. Go to Hawaii
9. Get over my fear of flying
10. See the pyramids

I plan on adding to this list as I think of more things, but more importantly I plan on crossing things off of it. The first one to get crossed off will be #5. September 17th Jeff and I are going to see the Phantom of the Opera!!!! I am so excited!

My Tale of Survival

2010-08-27T13:19:00.002-04:00

I was going through pictures and decided to put together a montage of my cancer journey thus far. It was emotional to make and is extremely emotional for me to watch. Hard to believe this was really me.

Photo and video editing at www.OneTrueMedia.com

My ophthalmologist appt.

2010-08-25T19:18:00.002-04:00

I went in thinking my appointment was because my optometrist thought she saw a small tear in my retina. As it turns out, I was there because of the nevus that is on my left eye's retina. The ophthalmologist said it is approximately 1 mm x 1 mm, so it is small. He said it could be metastatic breast cancer, so I have to go back in 3 months to have it checked. If it is a met, then we should see change. I will be followed closely for a while and then eventually end up going once a year for follow up.

I was blown out of the water when the whole conversation ended up being about cancer, when I thought I was going for a possible retina tear, which I thankfully do not have.

When is cancer ever going to leave me alone?!

Save Avastin!

2010-08-24T18:35:00.005-04:00

My YSC sister and friend Christi has stage 4 breast cancer and has been on the drug Avastin to keep her disease in check. Her son made this video to show how important it is to keep this drug around. Very powerful.

Seriously?!

2010-08-14T19:42:00.003-04:00

The kids and I had eye appointments today. No big deal, I go, get an examination, pick out a new pair of glasses, and call it a day. Well, I should know by now that nothing is ever that simple for me.

Due to my cancer history and the fact I am taking Tamoxifen (which can cause plaques) she wanted to dilate my eyes and have a look around. Since it was just the kids and I, she said I could have retinal mapping done and it would tell her the same thing without my pupils being dilated, which then I would be able to drive. I would just have to pay $30 since the insurance doesn't cover it. Fine, we do that and it shows I have one dark spot that she thinks is a nevus (freckle or a mole on the eyeball). This kind of thing could turn into a melanoma or another kind of cancer, but right now it looked benign. I guess they will have to watch it.

Fine, I guess I'm good right? Well no, there is also a small thing that looks like a retinal tear, but she has never seen one that small, so she dilated that eye to look at it that way. She said she isn't sure what it is, so she is referring me to an ophthalmologist.

I can't even freaking go to the eye doctor without a problem!!!!!!!!

Saying goodbye to Diana!

2010-07-28T14:49:00.004-04:00

My friend Diana, who I met in nursing school, is moving to the state of Indiana to be with her man. So, a group of us nursing school peeps got together to meet Morgan and wish her farewell.

Tim and Torri. They met in nursing school and are now married.

Sue looking all crazy!

Morgan and Diana. It was good to finally meet the guy Diana talked to everyday at lunch.

Sue and I

Diana and I

Diana, Me, Sue, and Torri

Diana, Me, Sue, Torri, and Tim

Diana and I had to do a self portrait for old times sake.

I'm gonna miss you buddy! I wish you all the happiness in the world.

Baby beats breast cancer

2010-07-27T11:59:00.002-04:00

No, that was not a typo. A 4 year old underwent a mastectomy. This makes me want to puke!!

http://www.cambridgetimes.ca/news/local/article/850533--baby-beats-breast-cancer

Cambridge girl, 4, youngest to be diagnosed with breast cancer

Aleisha Hunter was diagnosed with breast cancer and is now recovering nicely after undergoing a full left-breast mastectomy on June 11.

Who wouldn’t find this victory over the wretched disease remarkable? But Aleisha is not a typical breast cancer survivor. She just turned four years old this week, making her the youngest in Canada to be diagnosed with breast cancer.

While her mother Melanie Hunter describes the nightmarish ordeal that hijacked her happy-go-lucky daughter’s life in recent months, little blond-haired Aleisha doesn’t pay much attention to the conversation. Instead, she nibbles on pink cookie wafers and crawls under the table to seek out toes to tickle. Giggles ensue, followed by more tickles.

Life is finally finding its way back to normal for the Cambridge mother and daughter. Even the novelty of the scar on Aleisha’s chest has worn off.

“For a while, she showed everybody,” said Hunter.

It’s a little easier to talk about how cancer had the then-three year old in its grip now that the surgery is over. It was so successful doctors believe no follow-up treatment will be required.

“She had breast cancer but she was lucky,” explained Hunter.

“She didn’t need chemo or radiation.”

Aleisha suffered from a slow-growing type of breast cancer known as juvenile secretory breast carcinoma, which causes a tumour to grow within a shell-like sack. Signs of the developing disease were there when the tot was only two years old.

“I noticed a lump,” said Hunter.

Doctors’ visits wrote off the changes as typical hormonal developments. However, Hunter wasn’t about to give up on a hunch that this wasn’t just normal stuff. She went to McMaster Children’s Hospital, but said doctors were reluctant to order an MRI, suggesting Aleisha was experiencing a lymphomatic malformation.

By last December, discolourations started to surface, much like that of bruised skin, as well as some tenderness in Aleisha’s left breast. And the lump started to grow.

“It kept getting bigger and bigger,” said Hunter.

She decided she needed to advocate more for her daughter, so during a regular appointment with an orthodontist at Toronto’s Sick Kids Hospital, Hunter took Aleisha to the emergency room and asked to be seen by a vascular malformation clinic member. She refused to leave until someone did something. Aleisha was seen by a breast specialist.

“She looked at it and knew there was something wrong with it,” said Hunter.

The doctor ordered an MRI on May 25, followed by a biopsy days later.

As if waiting for news wasn’t difficult enough, the lump in Aleisha’s breast had swollen from walnut-sized to the size of a large plum, aggravated by the biopsy surgery. And she was in immense pain and had to have morphine. Hunter had to beg to try to make her eat something, anything.

Then the call Hunter could never be prepared for came less than a week later. An oncologist said Aleisha, at the tender age of three, had breast cancer.

“Your heart just kind of stops,” said Hunter.

“I was numb. I just sat there.”

Even as supportive friends and family tried to comfort her, Hunter found it hard to believe it was all real. And it was happening to her little girl.

“They were talking to me, but I just didn’t hear them.”

After the successful two-hour surgery, Aleisha is healing well but is too young to fully understand what she has been through.

“She just knows they did the surgery and they made her better,” said Hunter.

When she’s older, she’ll have breast implant surgery.

For now, Hunter and Aleisha are enjoying day trips in search of some much-needed relaxation. But even though Aleisha is herself again, worry of what could be still weighs heavily on Hunter’s mind. A recent fever sent the pair running to Cambridge Memorial Hospital to get checked out.

“I’m always on edge. You always believe the worst.”

Hunter’s faith and strength, however, have been bolstered thanks to support from friends, as well as co-workers at Cambridge’s Hilltop Manor nursing home on Elliott Street in Galt. Not only is the manor holding a birthday party for Aleisha this Saturday, the home is organizing a barbecue fundraiser from 11 a.m. to 4 p.m. to raise money for cancer research.Several employees are participating in Toronto’s Weekend to End Breast Cancer walk in September and need to raise $2,000 each to participate. The walk will benefit cancer programs at Princess Margaret Hospital.

Hunter, who will be at the finish line for that event, will also be participating in the local CIBC Run for the Cure event in October under a Team Aleisha banner.

Although cancer entered their lives like a hurricane, Hunter believes support has kept that wind at her back. A trust fund has even been set up in Aleisha’s name. The tot’s battle against cancer has had a profound effect on those around her.

“It really moved a lot of people.”

For more information about Hilltop Manor’s fundraiser this Saturday or Aleisha’s trust fund, contact the nursing home at 621-3067.

Save Avastin

2010-07-26T09:26:00.001-04:00

Avastin was the drug that was a part of my clinical trial. I received it in combination with other drugs while my tumor was present, so there is no way for me to know which drug or drugs worked, but I have stage 4 friends who their only option is Avastin and it is working for them. If they take it away there is no Plan B. I can't imagine having my lifeline threatened.

Please take a minute and sign this petition. Maybe we can stop this from happening.

"Stop the FDA from Disproving Avastin to treat metastatic breast cancer" petition!
http://www.thepetitionsite.com/3/stop-the-fda-from-disproving-avastin-to-treat-metastatic-breast-cancer

One year ago today...

2010-07-25T10:04:00.006-04:00

One year ago, I got the phone call saying my baby sister, Erika had been in an accident and was life flighted. I almost lost her that day.

One year later, she isn't done with her surgeries, she still doesn't have an ear, but she is alive and beautiful.

I am so thankful she miraculously lived through that horrible accident. I don't know what I would do without her. I love you Erika Renee!

Happy 8th Birthday Camille!!!

2010-07-11T18:28:00.005-04:00

Today is my baby girl's birthday! It seems like I just had her yesterday and she is now 8 years old!! How is that possible?!

We had a party for her at the house with family and she has a friend from school spending the night. She is having a wonderful time. It is also my Mom's birthday, but her and my Dad spent the weekend away in Erie, so we will have to celebrate again sometime this week.

Happy Birthday Camille! I love you my beautiful baby girl!

Plastic surgeon appointment

2010-07-08T21:12:00.000-04:00

Today I had my follow up appointment and every thing looked good. Every thing has healed nicely and I haven't had any chest pain. Dr. D told me that it can take a couple of months for the radiated side to drop into the space she made to even them out, so it could still happen. She said I should massage them to keep them soft and I go back in three months.

I talked to her about the no scanning thing and she explained that mammography is out of the question, because I have implants and breast MRI's are out, because I don't have breast tissue, but thinks I should be having some kind of annual scan or x-ray to check for cancer. She gave me the name and number of another oncologist and suggests that maybe I should get a second opinion.

I talked with some of the YSC girls and it seems like it is standard protocol to not scan, but some oncologists do. I personally would feel better getting them, but I don't know that I want to switch oncologists to get my way.

Here are some facts I found:

***Many radiologists feel breast cancer screening imaging after simple (total), modified radical, or radical mastectomy is unnecessary as any cancer recurrences are usually able to be felt.

***When breast reconstruction has occurred, routine mammography after mastectomy can result in false positive abnormalities.

http://www.imaginis.com/breast-health/mammography-and-imaging-after-breast-cancer-surgery

Mammography After Simple (Total), Modified Radical, or Radical Mastectomy

While some mammography centers/radiologists recommend routine imaging of the affected breast(s) after simple (total), modified radical, or radical mastectomy with or without breast reconstruction, many radiologists feel that there is little statistical evidence that imaging is effective after these surgeries. Most recurrences of cancer in the breast area (or reconstructed breast) are palpable (able to be felt) and do not require imaging for detection. If the patient has had subcutaneous mastectomy (discussed above), annual mammography is often recommended.

Some studies, including two small studies by the University of Michigan (released October 2000), show that careful screening may detect breast cancer recurrences early in women who have had TRAM flap reconstruction. However, routine mammography after mastectomy can lead to false positive abnormalities seen in the reconstructed breast that are indeterminate and lead to unnecessary biopsy (the biopsy determines that the abnormality is not cancerous).

While researchers will continue to investigate the effect of screening mammography on women who have had reconstruction, most physicians do not recommend screening mammography on women who have undergone mastectomies. Many abnormalities found in the reconstructed breast are palpable and are discovered by a physical breast exam. Physicians are not certain whether the early discovery of a recurrence of breast cancer will have any significant impact on the overall survival of the patients. However, once an abnormality is found by physical exam, physician will then order diagnostic mammography and/or other breast imaging tests. Biopsy may be performed to determine whether the abnormality is cancerous.

I don't know what to do!

Oncology appointment

2010-07-06T17:05:00.000-04:00

Today I went to see Dr. P. Of course he lectured me about how I should get the hysterectomy and oophorectomy (uterus and ovaries)and stop my occasional partying. I hear the same thing E.V.E.R.Y. single visit. It is getting old. I am 31 years old. I refuse to give up my maybe twice a year letting loose time. So all he did was make me mad. Then I asked him about annual screening and got even more frustrated. He said we will do NOTHING! No scans or tests of any type, just physical exams. Let's just hope we can catch it before I kick the bucket. There will be no way for us to know if the cancer comes back behind my implants. Makes me want to puke!