1/9/09

Today is a week since my surgery and my recovery has been going pretty well. On Wednesday I called my surgeon's office to get a refill on my pain meds and the lady asked me how I was doing. I told her I was about ready to rip my dressing off due to itchiness and yank those drains all out due to pain, so she asked me if I wanted to come in early for my first follow up appointment. I told her if I could possibly get the drains out I would most definitely come in.

So yesterday I went in and he ended up removing all three drains and took out my stitches. He said everything was looking good, but I still have to stay bound really tight to prevent fluid from building up. I felt so much better physically after the drains were removed.

I am improving everyday and am having a really hard time not allowing myself to do things. I hate to have everyone taking care of my house and kids. I feel so useless.

Emotionally, I am not so good. I am having a really hard time with all of this. I look and feel so ugly and disgusting. I thought I was ready for this, but I wasn't. I look at myself and want to puke. I feel like staying wrapped forever. I'm tired of staying strong. I feel so cheated and angry. I know people say I should be happy the cancer is gone now, but I am far from happy.