Scars by Mary E. Carpenter

Today begins breast cancer awareness month, so I would like to share with you something that a very dear friend wrote. I couldn't say it any better myself. Thank you Mama Mary for allowing me to share this here. xoxo

Scars © Mary E. Carpenter

Walking down the street, no one would know that I am the face of breast cancer. It is not obvious that I have been bald twice, stuck with needles too numerous to count, had multiple cancer killing toxins coursing through my veins, become the “chubby little woman” as Britt referred to me . . . from steroids to prevent life threatening reactions to those toxins, spent hours vomiting in bathrooms, bushes, buckets or wherever I could find a place because I intended to continue living my life, been injected with radioactive glucose, dye, blood, and had so many x-rays and scans that I’m surprised I do not glow in the dark even though Bayley thinks it would be cool. It is not obvious to those that pass me in the aisles at the grocery store, parents that greet me in my children’s classrooms or on the soccer field, or co-workers that greet me in the hall as we pass one another during the course of our workday. The scars beneath my clothes from seven surgeries that were not choice, but choosing life, are not evident to the outside world.

But I am the face of breast cancer. I am a mom, a daughter, a sister, a niece, a cousin, a friend. I am every woman. I am not a case of breast cancer or a scar. I am the 1 in 8 American women that will be diagnosed with breast cancer in her lifetime. If I lived in Europe, I would be the 1 in 10 that is diagnosed with breast cancer before age 80. I am 1 of the 11,100 young women under the age of 40 in the United States that was diagnosed with breast cancer in 2003. I am one of the many young women that heard these words from a doctor . . . “You are too young for breast cancer.”

I wake up every day and see the scars that are now as much a part of my body as my breasts ever were. I shower, I put on lotion, and I cover my scars with clothes and go out into the world. I am just a healthy woman going about the business of my day. I am just a healthy, young mom out with her children. But the scars are always there waiting to be heard. They want the opportunity to say, “I am not ashamed. I am not embarrassed. I am only a scar.Look at me and be aware. Look at me and know you can save second base. Look at me and know that breast self examination is worth it because no one knows your body like you. Look at me and schedule your mammogram. Look at me and know your family health history. Look at me and know that I am 1 of the 87% of five year survivors alive today. Look at me and don’t be afraid, be aware.”

Those scars roar for awareness every day and every month, not just October. Remember them and share them with the men and women in your lives because they know awareness can do more than just save second base, it can save lives. They are here to speak for the 13% whose scars were silenced by breast cancer.

Resources noted below. (I do recommend finding grassroots organizations in your own city, state, county, or region for help with things such as groceries, utilities, rent, childcare, etc. Some of the larger organizations will sometimes direct you to those resources, but oftentimes, you have to find them on your own.)



Resources:

Breast Self Examination

http://cms.komen.org/komen/AboutBreastCancer/EarlyDetectionScreening/BreastSelf-Exam/index.htm?ssSourceNodeId=313&ssSourceSiteId=Komen

Young Survival Coalition (for women diagnosed under 45)

http://www.youngsurvival.org/

Breast Cancer Resources - United States:

http://www.lbbc.org/

Living Beyond Breast Cancer

http://cms.komen.org/komen/AboutBreastCancer/index.htm Susan G. Komen (I'd recommend checking with local affiliates.)

http://www.cancer.org/docroot/CRI/CRI_2x.asp?sitearea=LRN&dt=5 American Cancer Society

http://www.breastcancer.org BreastCancer.org

One on One Guidance and Support:

http://www.imermanangels.org/ Imerman Angels

Breast Cancer Resources - Europe:

http://www.breasthealthday.org/BreastCancerFact.asp Europa Donna

http://www.ibca.net/online_resources/foreign_language_sites.php Cancer Resource Center (22+ languages available)

http://www.cancereurope.org Cancerworld

Breast Cancer Resources - Germany:

http://www.komen.de/cms/website.php Komen Deutschland

http://bcag.twoday.net Breast Cancer/Action Germany

http://www.brustkrebs.de Brustkrebs Info

Breast Cancer Support Groups and Organizations - Worldwide:

http://www.mentorcorp.com/canada/breast-reconstruction/links.htm Mentor

Hi, my name is Beth and I'm a SLACKER!!!

Wow, I can't believe it has been 10 months since I've last updated my blog! I'm sorry for being such a slacker. I understand that is an extremely long time to go MIA and leave you hanging, but it happens sometimes. I'll try to catch you up the best I can and not let it happen again.

When I last posted, I was getting ready to go for my second tattooing. Well, I ended up needing a total of 3 tattoo sessions before everything matched, but I am now very happy with my results. My aesthetician did an amazing job.

My third tattooing was closely followed by the revision of my back scar, which also went well. It was an easy, breezy surgery and recovery that required zero drains. Anyone who knows me, knows that drains are a big deal for me. After having complications in previous surgeries and requiring those evil, little things way longer than normal, I think I am slightly traumatized. Seriously, the very first thing that I ask when I wake up in recovery is "Do I have any drains?" I believe I even argued with a nurse once in my groggy, confused state that she was mistaken and even though she told me I didn't have any drains and I really didn't, she was wrong and I know I have a drain! Turns out, it was just a cord going to my blood pressure cuff or something that I confused for a drain!! lol I told you, I HATE drains!!! But like I said, I came out of that surgery with no drains, which was a nice way to end my reconstruction journey on a positive note.

Did you catch what I said?!

MY RECONSTRUCTION IS DONE!!!!

Well, unless something comes up or I decide to have some kind of revision in the future, but for now, I AM DONE!!!!

My plastic surgeon did an excellent job and I have great results that I am extremely happy with, but it is still going to take some time to finish healing emotionally. It has been hard for me to embrace the fact that my body is never going to be the same.

I am forever going to be scarred, front and back.

Don't get me wrong, most days I am okay. Some days, I even forget that I had cancer, which I never thought would happen. But there are other days that I need reminded that because I have those scars, I am alive. It's a process, apparently a long one, but enough of that. Let's get back to my updating.

When I last posted I had announced that my sister was going to have a baby. As it turned out, she went to her first OB appointment and found out that her baby had died. We were all so devastated. Even though she wasn't very far along, we loved that baby already. We take comfort in the fact that we will some day get to meet him or her in heaven, but it still hurts. The fact that our loves ones are in a better place than we are, doesn't make us stop missing them.

Aunt Beth loves you baby bean. xoxo

Since I've last updated I have also lost many more of my breast cancer sisters. One of the hardest for me was losing my dear friend, Marie. I had the opportunity to really get to know her at the LBBC conferences in Philly and then we stayed in touch via the computer and phone calls. She was such an amazing woman, a true gem, and one of a kind. She had lived through so much pain and heartache, but meeting her you would never know it. Cancer had taken all of her family, but yet she never once felt sorry for herself.

Marie had something called Li-Fraumeni syndrome, which is a rare disorder that is hereditary and greatly increases the risk of developing several types of cancer, particularly in children and young adults. She battled breast cancer, only to turn around and be diagnosed with stage 4 pancreatic cancer.

I can still remember her phone call. She was letting me know that she was thinking about my kids and I, hoping we were all doing well, and then kinda as an after thought mentioned what her diagnosis was. Who does that?! The answer is Marie. Marie did that. When anyone else probably would've been a blubbering mess, she simply asked that I please pray for her. She always put others above herself and I am truly changed because I knew her.

A mutual friend, Carrie and I went to her viewing that was held in New York, so we could say our final goodbyes. That was absolutely the hardest thing I have ever done. She was so young and newly married. She should've had many more years to live. I still can't believe she is gone.

Marie, I love you and miss you like crazy! xoxo, quack, quack!

This year's LBBC conference will be held in a few weeks and the closer it gets, the more my heart aches. I can't imagine being there and not getting to see Marie, Angie, and Catherine. These are all girls that I looked forward to seeing each year and last year's conference was the last time I got to see them, talk and laugh with them, and hug them. It won't be the same without them.

Marie

March 31, 1977 - December 19, 2011

Angie

(pictured in the middle)

January 16, 1980 - May 29, 2012

Catherine

March 31, 1981 - February 16, 2012

I miss you girls so much!

Now that I've thoroughly depressed everyone, I will leave you on a happy note. I am going to renew my CPR and take a RN refresher course. It is 120 hours of clinical and 60 hours of online lecture. Once I am done I will be on a mission to get a job and shut my husband up! lol Plus, I feel like that will be my way of sticking it to cancer. It has kept me from getting a job long enough. I am going to dust off my RN license, overcome my fears, and do this. Wish me luck. Class starts October 16th.

There are lots of other things that have happened in the time that I have been MIA, but I'll save it for next time. I hope everyone is doing well. I'll check in again soon.

xoxo

ALL CLEAR!!!

Monday I had my surgery and everything went well. Yesterday my gynecologist called to tell me he had gotten back the OR pathology report already and everything looked good! Phew, what a relief! I go back for a follow-up appointment in 4 weeks.

Tomorrow I leave for the LBBC conference in Philly. This will be my third year attending and I cannot wait to see my girls! I'll post pictures when I get back.

Have a good weekend!

RAH, RAH, RAH!!!

I don't think I've mentioned this yet, but I am assistant coach for Camille's 9-10 year old cheerleading squad. We have the biggest squad, but the girls are great. I am having so much fun with it!












I am now also Treasurer and in charge of fundraising for her Competitive cheerleading squad!













Make sure you guys put all this volunteer stuff in my obituary when the time comes! lol Sorry, I know people don't like it when I talk like that, but I feel like I'm actually accomplishing something with my life the more I get involved with things.

Kadie's viewing

Today was Kadie's viewing. In general, I don't handle death, viewings, or funerals well, but seeing that tiny casket was so hard. It isn't fair. She should still be here with her sisters and parents. She looked so peaceful and I know she isn't suffering any more, but my heart still breaks. I'm honored to have met her.

Kadence "Kadie" Louise Stonebraker, 4, Decker's Point, died Saturday, Aug. 13, 2011, at her home surrounded by her family.

The daughter of Jacob P. and Sarah L. (Yeomans) Stonebraker, she was born March 14, 2007, in Indiana.

Kadie greatly enjoyed attending Junior Church at the Bible Baptist Church located near Clymer.

She loved playing with little puppies and her kitty, Fluffy. Kadie liked spending time outside taking Ranger rides; swimming in the pool; jumping on the trampoline; having family cookouts; and watching fireworks.

Other moments that brought joy and smiles to Kadie included making macaroni and cheese with Nana Pat and "cooking" coffee with her Aunt Nancy.

A huge fan of Taylor Swift, Kadie loved the country music singer and her music. Kadie was able to attend two Taylor Swift concerts and was thrilled to receive a package of Taylor Swift items, including some autographed memorabilia, directly from the country singer's management team.

Kadie is survived by her parents, Jake and Sarah Stonebraker; her two sisters, Gracie Stonebraker, age 5, and JoJo Stonebraker, age 2, all at home in Decker's Point; paternal grandparents, Paul and Kathy Stonebraker of Decker's Point; and maternal grandparents, Daryl and Linda Yeomans of Rural Valley, and Dave and Emma Adams of Creekside.
She is also survived by her paternal great-grandmother, Patricia Raspe of Decker's Point; maternal great-grandparents, Ron and Doris Stiffler of Creekside; maternal step-great-grandmother, Marilyn Adams of Indiana; maternal step-great-grandfather, Leo Mattillio of Rural Valley; and a number of aunts, uncles and cousins.

She was preceded in death by her paternal great-grandfather, Fred Raspe; paternal great-grandparents, Herb and Helen Stonebraker; maternal great-grandparents, Frank and Ruby Yeomans; and her paternal great-aunt, Mary Louise "Chuckie" Knupp.

Friends will be received from 2 to 4 and 7 to 9 p.m. Tuesday, Aug. 16, 2011, at the Rairigh Funeral Home, Ltd. in Hillsdale.

A funeral service will be held at 11 a.m. Wednesday, Aug. 17, 2011, at the funeral home with Pastor James McCaulley officiating.

Interment will follow at the Shiloh Cemetery in Decker's Point.

In lieu of flowers, Kadie's family would appreciate memorial contributions be forwarded to the Junior Church in care of the Bible Baptist Church, 6280 Route 286 Hwy East, Indiana, Pa. 15701.

Rest in Peace Kadie!

My heart breaks as I type this out, but sweet, 4 year old Kadie Stonebraker passed away this morning. Please keep her family in your thoughts in prayers.













Kadence Louise Stonebraker
March 14, 2007 - August 13, 2011

WE NEED A CURE NOW!!!!!

Britney, here I come!!!!!

I am going to see Britney Spears and DJ Pauly D with a group of girls August 19th! Soooooo excited!!!!!

Happy 30th Aaron!!!

When I first moved out, Jeff and I rented my friend's mom's basement. They became family to us. Well my "little brother" just turned 30 and his wife through him a party. It was so nice getting to see everyone I hadn't seen in years!

Me and the birthday boy!













Mom and I


























My friend from high school, Mike.














Birch and I rode the same bus.



























My sister, Erika and I.


























Wolfie, me, and Mike.













Jim dated my best friend, Jen back in the day.














me and the Sweeney brothers


























Aaron's wife Crystal and I

NKOTBSB Concert!!!!!

Jenn and I were deprived as teenagers and not allowed to see the New Kids on the Block, which was the most popular boy band at the time. Soooooo, we went went as adults to the New Kids on the Block, Backstreet Boys concert!! Sooooo much fun!!!

Relay for Life 2011

This year we managed to raise $2,786.83!

Here are some pictures...

As you can see, we did face painting again this year, which is always a huge hit!


















































This is a picture of me and 4 year old Kadie Stonebraker. She is fighting neuroblastoma. You can read her story at http://www.caringbridge.org/visit/kadiels














She is quite the amazing girl and her parents are amazing. My prayers are with them.













This is my AMAZING friend and lymphedema therapist Amy! I love her to pieces!















































































Jenn made cake pops to sell. Each one had 3 breast cancer ribbons on it, to represent the 3 years I've been surviving! She is the sweetest!














My favorite masterpiece this year!



























Wendy who I met through YSC stopped by for a little again this year.






































My nephews






























And our annual after relay fun pictures....